Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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