physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
