All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
