White coat. Heels.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
