OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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