he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
