Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
