pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
