you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
