So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
