Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
