She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
