so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
