this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
