we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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