Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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