I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
