I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
