Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
