It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
