I want to have your abortion
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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