I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
