Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
