Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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