there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
