First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
