If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
