a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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