Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
