just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
