Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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