I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
