So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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