Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
