I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
