What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
