Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Say something about gay babies.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
