My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
