went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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