i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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