you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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