i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
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no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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