Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
