It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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