I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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