dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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