God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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