D3 body, D1 cock
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
