remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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