Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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