I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
