weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
