Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
