the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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