9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
