Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
