Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
