Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
