Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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