Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
