I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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