U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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