you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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