3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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