And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
