she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
