I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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