a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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