the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
