atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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